Hello Everyone. I have been thinking of posting this for a while. I thought about what I would say and when and how. Now I have found the perfect form to what I want to say. As of writing this, the date is Thursday, 1/24/2019. This absolutely True Story takes place 9/16/2018. I have Chronic Asthma, I’ve had it since birth. Unfortunately, its gotten in the way in my life. I am a little Autistic. I’m a male, 23 years of age, and in the past few months, I have made an entire change in my lifestyle and my overall life thinking and what I want for my future. Some examples include what I eat, how I think, and realizing who is whole-heartedly good and bad in my life. I live on the Outskirts of a small town in Vermont. In a trailer park. Not a trashy one either, it’s actually quite nice. I have become quite fond of this little three bedroom trailer.
Anyway on to what happened. Asfore-mentioned I have Chronic Asthma, well I was in a depressed state, as in a deep suicidal depression. At this time my girlfriend now fiancee was in the same depressive state. We were then living with my ex and now best friend. As well as my other best friend. For the sake of anonymity, I will change their names. For my fiancee, I will call her Sabby. My ex will be Lizzard, it was a nickname given to her by her sister when she was young. I loved it so much that I enjoyed calling her it. She honestly loves it, but won’t admit it to anyone if asked. Last but not least my best friend who we will call Pincent. He was there through a lot of major changes in my life and was absolutely supportive in my recovery, and still is to this day. Honestly, they all still are, and we are all still best friends.
We were all in this depressed situation, all three of us were suicidally depressed. On top of this, we had three dogs to care for. One was named Kaiya and she was 9. As well as my first fur baby named Susie who was 2 and a half. Lizzard and I still share custody of her, and Susie still knows me as Daddy. I still love her with all my heart. Last but not least in this story is Sophie. She is Pincents, she is about a year now I believe. I miss living with them. We all still talk, but it is just not the same. We are actually all meeting up at my friend’s house on Sunday to watch the Superbowl. I hate most sports but I can’t pass up the chance to hang with my friends again. I am more of the analytical type. I analyze everything I see and do.
Anyway, I woke up that morning with some trouble breathing. I usually did and sometimes still do, but that morning it was exceptionally difficult. I leaned over the couch I was sleeping on, trying to reach my inhaler. To my utter shock, the dogs had chewed up my inhaler. This meant that I wouldn’t be able to breathe. In my state of wheezing, I stepped outside to get some fresh air and hopefully a chance to catch my breath. No luck, unfortunately, I couldn’t stand anymore so I sat down on a chair we had outside. I had my phone in my hand and I was still having an extremely hard time breathing, so I messaged Lizzard and Pincent, asking them if they could take me to the ER. They came out with the keys and in the end, Lizzard was the one who brought me. They helped me to the car because I could not walk on my own if I tried. I wish I had known what was coming next so I could prepare for what was about to happen.
Fast forward five minutes and we arrived at the ER. Lizzard basically carried me in, she also told the lady at the front desk all my info because I couldn’t talk. They swiftly brought me into a room located at the top left corner. They put all the necessary equipment on me. The blood pressure monitor, and an oxygen monitor respectively. Lizzard was sitting in a chair next to me, keeping her on eyes on me to make sure I was okay. I was having so much trouble breathing at this point, that I started having a panic attack. They started a nebulizer treatment and I started to take it. It wasn’t working. Lizzard noticed that my oxygen levels were rapidly lowering. I looked at Lizzard directly in the eyes and said, “I don’t want to die.”
I blacked out. I don’t even remember passing out. From what Lizzard told me, I sat down onto the ER bed, laid back, and stopped breathing. I don’t remember that at all though. From what I was told, all the respiratory doctors in the ER came rushing to my room, once they got the call. I say that because at the exact moment I was passing out from my asthma attack, the ER had a blackout. This meant that they didn’t the alert notifying them of my failing oxygen levels. Next thing that I personally remember, I hear someone telling me to just try to breathe. I took a deep breath and passed back out. I didn’t open my eyes so I couldn’t see who said it. I felt something sharp poking my wrists and arm. Then it just all went black and silent.
I woke up about 4 hours later, not knowing where I was. My mom was there, so was Lizzard. They explained to me that I was really close to death. They lost me once, but they got me back. Then they continued to explain that once they lost me, I was about thirty seconds to a minute from needing life support. That’s when they managed to bring me back. I didn’t know what to say, I had no words to reply with. I looked down at my wrists, that’s when I saw they had given me four shots in each wrist. As well as one on my right hand, and an IV in my left arm. I had one of those oxygen lines that go into your nose and hang on your ears. I laid back and went back to sleep. I was exhausted.
I woke up a little later, maybe an hour or two later. My mom was still there, and my best friend and now Fiancee was sitting on the right side of the bed. I asked my mom to leave so, I could talk to Sabby alone. We had a short conversation. When I woke up though, I didn’t feel any emotion at all. This would end up staying with me for another 3 weeks after. For 3 weeks I felt absolutely no emotions beside Depression, Sadness, and not wanting to live anymore.
I soon after checked myself into a mental hospital. That would be the beginning of me changing my life. I’m gonna skip ahead to the end of my stay there because nothing truly worthwhile happened. The only notable thing that happened was they put me on some anti-depressants. Which are helping me in my daily life. When I left the hospital I felt happier than I had in a long time. Over the next few months, I started to realize new and different things in my life. I started to realize how much I love Sabby, I learned more about myself as well as becoming more self-aware of my autism and started to recognize where I excelled and where I failed. I soon realized that the life I had chosen wasn’t a good one and one that I didn’t want to live anymore. I started taking the steps to make my life better. I realized that I have a high level of intelligence, but I’m extremely awkward in social situations. I am also slightly reclused but I enjoy taking long hikes and walks.
I think looking back that the NDE I had was the start of a better life for me. I personally believe that since my NDE my Empathy has been stronger than ever as well. I have also become much more sensitive to spirits and entities. I have also become much more life focused and have realized that there is more in this world than this little state called Vermont. I have also realized that life is short…really short, and it could end at literally any moment, in just the fraction of a second. My NDE Was the Scariest and Best Thing to Ever Happen to Me.