I’m currently pregnant with my first child; a boy that I’m very thankful for, but the way he was conceived into this world and the things I’ve felt while pregnant with him have been anything but normal. At the end of April, this year. I went into septic shock due to untreated sepsis and was admitted to the hospital just before it was too late. I also had high blood pressure, kidney failure, and was completely delusional.
During my week-long stay, I was constantly in and out of sleep, waking from nightmares, touches from nurses who weren’t there when I opened my eyes, even whispers. One night, I was startled awake to a loud gunshot and screaming, only to find pindrop silence. It had to be one of the longest weeks of my life.
When May finally came, I was released on the second. All tests they had taken came back negative, unable to determine the cause of sepsis. My fiancé, Allen and I decided to visit with my sister and her husband, as they lived a few hours away. We were only there for a few days, and the day we drove back, it was pouring rain. We crashed into a state trooped who had someone pulled over on a curb. We lost our car to damages and had to pay a lot of money that we didn’t have.
The next few weeks went by as I was still healing from almost dying, as well as the shock from the crash, and I noticed my period was late. A test came back positive, then the local women’s clinic confirmed it. My mom swears I got sepsis because my body overreacted to the implantation of the child, but it can’t be proven. I was happy, but there was so much to be done, and so much on my mind.
Since then, every time I’ve been alone with the pets, I’d get these overwhelming feelings of dread that roots me to where I’m sitting. I can’t move or even think properly, like something was watching me, waiting for me to move into its sight. The first time this happened I was lounging in bed, and I had the overwhelming feeling I shouldn’t move within view of the window above me. Another time, my parents’ cat started freaking out and glaring at the living room window. I heard a creak from outside the door, as if someone stepped onto one of the porch steps, but didn’t go any further. After a while, it goes away, but I have this feeling that it wants me to be outside, within its grasp.
A few days ago, Allen told me he had woken up the night prior around five. Upon waking, he had the feeling that he shouldn’t open his eyes or he would see someone staring at him. After contemplating for a few minutes, he opened his right eye and saw a face, only for a second. He told me it was all white, with black shading its eyes and smile. He was startled, but said he didn’t feel anything malevolent from this apparition, he wasn’t afraid of it like I have been by the thing outside. He thinks that maybe this is what’s preventing whatever’s outside from getting in.