I wasn’t born blind. I lost my sight when I was just over 6 years old. I can barely remember visions I’d witnessed at that age. I’ve come to a realization that I should have been so much more thankful of the gifts god had provided for myself. I took it for granted.
I became blind due to a car accident. My mother and father, being in the front seats had actually narrowly avoided their deaths. They somehow got out with only minor injuries, like scars and scrapes, some cutting extremely deep into their skin. I say minor, as they hadn’t been severely hurt or having a loss of something important. The driver in the other car passed out and was immediately sped to hospital. So was I, picked up in an ambulance. That accident happened in such a public place that everything happened so fast.
It was devastating news for my parents to have to tell me that I became blind. I found out how it happened, and when I first did I became a closed shell. I hadn’t had a legitimate conversation for over a month. Apparently, while in the car, a piece of glass from the window had impaled my eyes, causing somewhat some kind of damage to my nose. My eyes looked horrible, like they’d sunken deep into my skull along with their sockets. I overheard doctors explaining to my parents they could replace my eyes, but the power of vision was not able to work as in the accident it caused some brain damage that dysfunctions the use of my eyes. It really killed my parents to see their only child losing everything.
My mind always tries to remember the visual image of what happened, or what I could and used to see. It just never happens though, my brain can’t process it.
Now however, I’ve gotten used to this change. I’ve grown much older and become much more mature. That accident was in the past now, and I’m much over it. In fact, I’ve gotten used to not being able to see anything. Sometimes, I do mourn my disadvantage, but it’s taught me how to be thankful for things others aren’t, to appreciate things much more than they should be appreciated.
I don’t know, I feel a vibe around other people. I feel as if they think I’m some kind of disabled person. It hurts me to realise people think I’m different, weird and off-putting. I’ve always been encouraged to ignore what others think, but there are just times where the pressure and harassment has become too much for me to handle, to keep to myself. At times, it makes me feel better to relieve all my stress by sending tears from my eyes, or talking to somebody mature and able to comprehend my problems.
You’re probably wondering, I’m not typing anything. I’ve gotten a special machine, thanks to technology nowadays that allow me speak, and the machine picks up on what I say therefore automatically types it up. Clever, but I know someday in the future this system is going to be improved, yet I think it’s at its best right now.
I’ve gotten over my problem, but now there’s another I face. I don’t know what to do, how to handle it or if it’s all just in a reality I don’t know of. It’s actually beginning to confuse me, for a while now when I come to think about it.
I need to get this out, I don’t know if this is a normal thing blind people face. I’m absolutely sure its not. It’s quite abnormal, and I’m currently just looking for advice and wanting to get my experience out to the public.
I cannot specify any of my details, as I don’t want to be more harassed for my problems, so I’ll be keeping this to myself for privacy reasons. Something I can specify is I am around 32 years old. It’s been such a long time since that accident, over twenty-six years, and now I’ve come to know that life is always filled with such problems.
You may think this is bizarre, but I promise I am telling the truth. My experience consists of being able to see something. It all started not much longer than a month or two ago. I don’t know if my mind is beginning to play tricks on me, or I may be hallucinating, but it just doesn’t make much sense to me. I haven’t told anybody because they’re probably going to think I’m more of a mental wreck than what they think I already am. They might send me to some kind of mental institution or something, and I don’t want that to happen because I know I’m not going crazy.
I’ve gotten checked at the doctors multiple times recently, I haven’t told them of the problem I’m facing but just act as if my eyes are twitching or some kind of dumb excuse to see how they are. They keep telling me I’m fine, but I know something is up.
It all started on a Wednesday. It was circling near midnight, and I was in bed making an attempt of falling asleep. I started to appreciate advantages of being blind, like it just made life easier being able to fall asleep without seeing some kind of shining bright light distracting me from my sleep. I know I was in bed, I could feel the multiple layers of softness against the bare skin my body revealed from the quilts, blankets and throws. I lay in a comfortable position and cuddled the cushions that sat on the opposing side of my bed.
Eventually, I do go dozing off. I don’t know why or how I remember it so well, but I just somehow can. Keep in mind this is the first time I witnessed a sight like that, witnessed a sight in over 20 years.
I can remember awaking in some kind of void filled with utter darkness. Didn’t quite put me off, as that’s what I’m usually able to see. I wasn’t put in discomfort, but only was after I noticed something standing out only a few hundred meters further in the distance. I didn’t choose to approach it, it was approaching me in such a speedy manner it left me shocked and left stiff, unable to move away.
I wasn’t too alarmed however, it just looked quite normal. That wasn’t until it came so close that I could pick up on its extremely abnormal and inhumane height. Unless it’s the tallest person in the world, I doubt it would be anywhere near humanoid. All I could pick up on was it was practically eight to nine feet tall, clearly towering above me. A chill ran down my spine. I see these spiralling antlers placed upon its head, looking similar to a reindeer’s’ but having its own twist to it. Its body was extremely thin, covered in a layer of strikingly thick fur brushed backwards. Its eyes looked drastically odd, like a combination of both a human and a dog’s eye, highlighted in such paleness it burned to look at. There was some kind or reddish-yellow pupil in its eyes. That mouth of theirs opened from ear to ear, and its teeth in some kind of 3D form withering away with its gold coloured stains. The ears weren’t like human ears, nor animal ears, but were really pointy. It raises its matted hand-like-thing towards my face, but didn’t touch me.
Just then, I begin to shake uncontrollably and lose control of myself, just as I thought I always had.
That was all I picked up on about its looks before it was the next day where I was actually awake. I am aware this could be some kind of sleep paralysis, but it just doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t even tell whether its a dream or in reality, though I’m leaning on towards the dream option, hoping it is that.
Obviously, I’ve gotten myself checked numerous times after that. Still nothing abnormal about my eyes – other than the fact that they have no use.
Multiple times after that I’d meet with that animal-monster-like thing. Over the course of these past few months, it gets closer to me. I still can’t move, and I’m convinced it’s sleep paralysis.
Sometimes I can’t even tell if it’s part of the reality I face. More and more times I notice more of its features that make me feel unsettled. Things like it having no nose, it’s hands having more than the normal amount of five fingers, having rather two sets of teeth, and its feet being twice the size of it’s head. This animal only walks on two legs, its upper two act like arms.
Recently, it’s been touching me. Soft touches against my shoulders or head, sometimes nudges. I’ve gotten used to the feeling of its touches, I’ve gotten used to It, just as I have with my troubles of being blind.
It still confuses me, but I’m starting to find out more about my situation. I must admit, I have told one person just a week prior, and explained to them the oddity I’m experiencing. They think something in my brain is happening where it allows me to see things that doesn’t actually exist, and they suggest I should get it checked out by the doctors for the sole purpose of seeing if something is wrong.
I did only a while later, as it was the only solution. Thankfully, they’re not thinking I’m crazy. They’re stating it is some kind of issue with my brain, and it may be serious. They also state it could be my imagination picturing things that only affect me now from that car accident they know I had, or as I thought, sleep paralysis.
I am believing them, I should correct, trying to believe them. You see, I am trying to stay convinced that this is the issue, but there’s one thing I’m wondering if it is any of those that play out during my sleeping, – why do I sometimes feel Its nudge when I know I’m awake?