I can remember things early on in my life, things my mother still claims there is no way I should I was so young. It might have been because I was a very observant child, or maybe it was because of the things that happened to me that stood out and embedded themselves in my mind. Things, that to this day stick out in my mind as if they happened yesterday, when they happened 23 years ago.
We lived with my grandmother when I was young, then an apartment, then back with my grandmother, then to a house an hour away in a town by the Mississippi river. It was a ways away from the flood zone but the basement’s sub pump refused to work properly so the basement would flood on a regular basis. I was six when we moved to that house and the only thing that ever made me feel off about the place were the old attic access doors in my rooms that lead to these dark area’s. I had always felt if I went in I would never be able to get out again, it scared me deeply, so I would never open them.
I was seven when I started getting these dreams that never made much sense to me, of places i’d never been, things that hadn’t happened yet and things that I couldn’t have possibly known had happened. At this point, I couldn’t talk to my mother about these things, and when I would go out to my dads I would have other experiences that he wouldn’t tolerate me talking about, so for a long time I kept all this to myself.
When I was 8, we moved again, back to my grandmothers house, only this time my parents bought it off her and insisted she stay with us. I remember being so excited because by this point my grandmother and I had an unbreakable bond and I considered her my best friend. A few weeks after moving in, the dreams started in again, and I started loosing sleep. One night I drempt my grandmother was sick, very sick, and I woke up in a sweat and when I looked over to my grandmothers bed, she was gone. I started to panic and wanted to go ask my mother where she was, but my mom would have been upset with me for being up so late and would have sent me back without giving me an answer so I just sat there with worry, hoping to hear my grandmothers voice.
Then the phone rang and my heart instantly sunk, this was the first point of validation to these dreams I was having. Before this point, they were just scary dreams that haunted me or rose questions, this night however changed everything. I heard my mom pick up the phone and I could instantly detect the worry in her voice, and when I heard the phone hit the receiver, I rushed in to the dining room and asked my mom what happened to grandma. I remember the look on my moms face, It was annoyed, worried and almost stunned. She wouldn’t tell me a thing, and told me to stop eavesdropping and to go back to bed before I got grounded for being up so late. Not once did I hear her mention grandma… i just knew.
The next day when grandma walked in the door, I didn’t hesitate to ask her why she was sick. She looked very startled by that, because my mom was not the type of person to give us this sort of information, so she asked how I knew. This was the point I told her about my dream and how I woke up become mom got the call and knew she was sick. She informed me she had gotten pneumonia and had to stay in the hospital overnight to be put on iv medicine to help stop it from getting worse. After that I shared everything with her, but especially my dreams.
We lived there until I was eleven years old and the dreams never let up. By this point I started to get repetitive dreams of my grandma passing, and I started to make her promise that if anything happened that she would visit me in my dreams to let me know she was OK, which she promised she would. That June, the last year we lived there, the house caught on fire, my mother in the room that it started in, nearing the end of her pregnancy with my third sister. We all made it out OK, but we lost everything, it was one of the most terrifying days of our life. I had wondered if maybe that was the reason for the dreams, the possibility of loosing any one of my family members in the fire, but sadly the dreams continued.
We lived in an apartment for a while and then found our home four hours away up north of where we lived before. This is my moms current house, and needless to say, I have had a ton of these dreams come true, or highlight events there would be no way of us knowing before hand. We were there a good two years, and the dreams never went away. For a time I was having odd dreams of the wall in my room being on fire, which everyone told me was ptsd from our house fire, but also the dream of my grandmother passing, I just didn’t talk about it much, but I still made her promise that she would visit me in my dreams should anything happen.
I will never forget the day they finally came true. I was fourteen at the time, and I had felt off all day, so I just wanted to get out of the house. So I had asked to go to a friends house a few blocks away and at the same time my grandma and step dad were getting ready to leave to go get my grandma’s jeep from a garage a couple towns away. I felt off, telling her goodbye before I went to walk to my friends and I couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong the whole time. I ended up leaving early to come home and when I got there,my grandma’s jeep was nowhere in sight but my step dad was back. When I asked where she was, I was simply told she was going to be home soon, but they were wrong.
After an hour, my mom began to worry, and I still remember my heart sinking when the phone rang. I think a piece of me hoped it was grandma, saying she was going to be home soon, but sadly that wasn’t the case. She had stopped to go to the bathroom in an Amish town and had told my step dad to go on that she’d be behind shortly. Sadly that was the last few moments she had, She apparently made it in the bathrooms, but when she went to leave, she suffered a stroke, and had managed to drag herself out to the street for help but help didn’t come fast. She had a vein rupture at the base of her brain stem… she wasn’t going to make it, and I was the only one of the kids who was old enough to go to the ICU to see her…. I will never forget it..
The night they took her off life support, I had a rough time sleeping, I mean, who wouldn’t? When I finally drifted off, I started having random dreams, but one, before I woke the next morning, She kept her promise to me. She told me to tell my mother something, and told me to stay strong. When I woke up I immediately found mom and relayed the message from grandma and she broke down in tears and hugged me tight. That stuck with her.
The dreams never have went away, they still come to this day, and they still have meaning and I can understand better what to do with the information i’m given. I had a few more validating instances for these dreams though. The one I was having about the wall behind my bed being on fire, turned out to be a truth. My parents did renovations on the level below and found the wall from the base up to be scorched and charred, right on the wall my bed was against at the time. I think everyone in the family finally got the message I wasn’t making things up, best yet, I got photo proof that day.
The most recent dream to happen was just this past November. My husband and I have been struggling to get pregnant for almost three years at this point and had one loss spring 2018. I had a dream I got a positive and my grandma was in the dream. That morning, I tested, and sure enough, I got my positive, and It has stuck, I’m currently in my second trimester and very happy. Needless to say I have never taken these dreams as just simply my imagination, I’ve had too many of them come true or tell stories from the past that to this day bewilder those around me.
As my grandmother once told me, Make it a gift not a curse.