First let me say that this story is going to be really difficult for me to tell. However, after spending some time thinking it over I thought that maybe getting it out there will help me deal with what happened and maybe help someone else. This is completely true and I will do my best to give as much detail as possible. Because of how terrorized I was I think I blocked a lot of it out even though it was something that happened within this past year.
Even as a kid I always had very vivid dreams. I often had lucid dreams (those were my favorite) as once I knew I loved the freedom of making choices without consequence. As I got older, those lucid dreams would leave to some of the best sex dreams ever. I mention this because it may be important later. I used to talk in my sleep a bit (based on what my parents have told me) but have never sleepwalked nor had any other sleep issues. I did have chronic nightmares but that’s a different story entirely. But I thought having that information may help you understand why, what I am about to describe to you was so different, and so horrifying.
I was a freshman in college when I had my very first “sleep paralysis” type dream. I use that term loosely as I am not really sure how to categorize what I experienced. I had been studying on my bed, room light on, sitting with my back against the wall. I don’t know when I fell asleep but I do remember waking up. At least I thought I was awake. I opened my eyes, noticed the books on my lap and heard a knock or something on my door. I got up to get it and then I woke up. This continued for about 4 or 5 times each time with me becoming more and more panicked. The very last time I woke up in my dream I started to hear voices. They were very mumbled, starting off quietly and continuously getting louder and louder. All I kept hearing was different voices yelling their name and a date. I couldn’t keep up with them all and it was starting to make my head hurt. I remember putting my heads up, squeezing my head, and trying to get off my bed and away from the voices. The pain was so intense I could barely crawl on the floor as I tried to make it 10 feet across the dorm room and to the door. When I thought the voices were going to make my head explode, I finally woke up for real. I was still in the same place with my back against the wall and books on my lap. I was actually nervous I was still asleep. I immediately started to cry and called my dad. I told him I thought I was going crazy. He said that I probably wasn’t sleeping well and before I voluntarily submitted myself to a psych ward that maybe it would be a good idea to just try and get a few good nights sleep. I must have listened because I never had the experience again. I sometimes wished I could have remembered the names and dates I heard but the pain was too intense to allow me to focus. I wasn’t going to include this part of my dream history but upon sitting down to write this thought maybe it could be related.
Fast forward about 13 years later (3 years ago). It was midday and I had fallen asleep on my couch watching TV. I guess my kids were in school because I don’t remember anyone else being home. This is when I first began to experience what my research has shown is called sleep paralysis. I knew I was sleeping. I could hear the television in the background clearly and was trying to will my eyes to open. Before I could open my eyes I felt a weight on my chest (apparently common in cases of sleep paralysis). I could now see the room around me, eyes open and awake but that weight was still there. I tried to move and realized I was completely paralyzed. I realized that although I could not see the cause of this pressure with my eyes, I could visualize the being in my head. It was a demonic being, blueish in color, about 5 feet tall. He was sitting straddled over me. I know he spoke to me but I cannot remember what was said. The only other part I remember was being raped. It was horrifying but satisfying. I fought him, I do remember that but did not wake up until I had orgasmed. When I tried to sum up what happened the only thing that came to mind was that I was raped by the devil.
I eventually chalked this up to being a really twisted sex dream. My husband had been injured during the Iraq war and was dealing with some pretty serious physical and mental illnesses. We did not have a very active sex life during this period of time and I kind of just figured it was my brains way of processing this. That was until two years later, about a year after we moved into our new house. This was when things went from weird to terrifying on a level I never imaged I could experience. So about a year ago things started off slowly.
My husband was sleeping in the living room, as his medication would cause him to fall asleep very early and stay passed out until the morning. I would go upstairs to our bedroom each night by myself. I don’t remember when exactly it started but I can tell you that I was actually a bit happy about it at first. It always happened right as I began to fall asleep. I would be fully aware of my surroundings, feeling as if my eyes were open and I couldn’t move. It would start with a feeling of not being able to breath. That part always scared me the most as I often thought I would suffocate before I could wake myself up. As soon as I realized my paralysis I would begin to feel myself being raped.
As terrible as it sounds I actually enjoyed it on some level. Not having sex in my waking life was causing me to have this pent of sexual frustration. I never truly consented to what was happening but it was fulfilling a need that I didn’t feel comfortable enough to voice out loud. What scared me more than anything else was that I knew this was a demon. He would speak to me while raping me. Mostly things about how much he knew I liked it. Although I never heard his words with my ears nor saw him with my eyes. The best way I can describe it is if you try to recall a conversation you had with someone the day before. You can visualize what they looked like and what was being said even though you aren’t truly seeing it or hearing it at the moment. That was how I saw this demon and heard him.
This happened for months and I was beginning to become scared. It was becoming very clear to me that this was not just a dream. At first I thought my brain was working through some sexual tension in a really demented way. But that began to change and fear really set in. He came again but this time was different. I don’t remember if it was him or whether he brought someone else. What I do remember is that he said, “since you clearly handled what I did so well, let’s make this more interesting” or something along those lines. I was than raped but what can only be described as a demon that was not endowed like that of a man but that of a horse. It was huge and not meant for my body. I remember feeling myself being ripped and felt real pain. There was no pleasure anymore. I began to try and find ways to wake myself up. This was no longer anything that resembled a normal sex dream. Something was wrong.
I dealt with this type of thing for over 6 months by this point. What used to be one or two nights a week was happening more and more frequently. I was tired all the time and afraid to go to sleep. The next escalation was the time there was a woman with the demon. She was blond wearing a white knee length, nightgown type dress and was very pretty. She was kneeling next to where I was laying on the bed looking at me with real curiosity. She and the demon, who was kneeling between my legs, were talking to each other. Saying things like “Are you sure she can handle this?” and “I can’t wait to watch”. It was then that I realized I was not in the presence of just these two but many demons. All around my bed I could “see” that there were endless others watching me.
I began to panic and realized this was very different from previous experiences. The others in my room were pushing each other to try and have the best view. I was terrified and began to panic when I realized I was being lifted up off my bed by my feet. There was a rope or something tied around my ankles and I was hanging upside down. The demon with the horse sized member began to rape me and I screamed to stop. I am not a religious person and was raised Jewish. Yet for some reason this idea popped in to my head. I began to pray to Jesus. I started to say the Lord’s Prayer. I could feel the anger all around me and then I woke up.
I cannot begin to tell you the relief I felt. That was, until, the following night. Apparently, praying and waking up was not okay for the demon entity. This time it was not the same demon that visited me. It was not an experience of rape that I dealt with that night but rather one of extreme torture. The demon was like 8 feet tall and powerful. I just knew instinctively that he was on a completely different level than the demon who had been tormenting me for the last year. I immediately began to pray to Jesus again. He laughed at me. I was once again strung up by my ankles, completely upside down with my head a few inches off the bed. I remember him saying “that won’t work on me” and then “you are going to pay for what you did”.
He had razor claws on his hands. Best way to describe them would be like Freddy Kruger hands. He stabbed me with fingers right in my stomach. I remember him thrusting his claws in my back and watching them come through the front of my body. The pain was intense. This was the worst pain I have ever experienced. Even now I would tell you that there is no pain like what I felt that night. I even had my epidural wear off before they were finished sewing me up after the birth of my daughter. That was nothing compared to this. I kept praying and praying. Eventually I woke up with a start. It took me a long time before I could move because the pain was so intense. I hurt for that whole day even though I did not have a mark on my body.
I had tried to tell my husband about what happened that night. I had told him a couple of my previous experiences but he told me that believing they were more than dreams was just being silly. I was terrified to ever sleep again and so I called a friend of mine who grew up in Mexico. I know that in some cultures they have stories about the incubus or succubus and thought maybe he could help me. He was super understanding and spoke to family members he had back in Mexico.
When I heard back from him he stated that what I was experiencing was NOT a dream. He said that I may have unknowingly invited this demon in. He asked me if I had ever told the demon not to come back after the first experience. I said no. He asked me if I enjoyed the experiences. When I told him that on some level I used to he became really worried. He told me that it was super important that I continue to pray and that I had to tell the demon he was no longer welcome. He warned me I could be fooled but that it was something I must do.
What’s crazy is that for the next two weeks, when the demon came, it was the same gentle type experience I used to have. It was actually hard to say no and even harder to say I didn’t want him to come back. I realized I must have invited him in. That scared me more than anything. It took those two weeks of saying no and saying he was no longer welcome before it stopped completely. Now I sometimes get sleep paralysis but have learned how to jump scare myself awake.
I know this story was long and maybe it wasn’t all that scary but I can tell you that living through this was the most frightening thing I had ever dealt with. I wonder sometimes what we leave ourselves open to when we sleep. I hope to never experience something like this again but at least now I feel prepared and know what I need to do. I have read stories of people who try and invite these demons in and develop some sort of relationship. I would simply warn that if you think you have any type of positive relationship with an entity like that, you are being fooled. It’s better to get out while you are still able because that being that tortured me did not let me go until he was finished with me. I did not wake myself up from that, he grew tired of me. I am just grateful that, so far, he hasn’t ever returned.