Two in One Night

I’ve had a lot of crappy jobs in the past from being a janitor that cleans up after massive arena shows, gas station jobs, to a total of 4 delivery jobs. Each had their fair share of horror stories of just how awful and crazy people can be. None though can compare to the time I worked at a pizza hut in my home city of Wichita. I worked there for over a year and a half, and at that time I had to deal with high levels of stress on a daily basis.

It seemed that these problems were split into two categories.

Either the higher-ups had terrible rules to follow that lead to low staff numbers, and low pizza delivery time promises even if we were super busy.

Or we had to deal with some crazy customers. I had to deal with things such as carrying a wooden sword for personal protection in some neighborhoods, crazy crack houses, getting into a screaming match with a manager that cut me off the clock during a delivery, and even getting into a fistfight with a customer on my last day of working when I put in my two weeks notice. But for now, I’ll just tell you the story of two crazy customers that I had just two deliveries apart.

It was late January, I’ve already been working at this Pizza Hut for almost 6 months now.

I knew my routine rather well at this point. We just hired a new high school kid that I thought was pretty cool. However, his naivety really shown through when he put in a delivery order from God. Well, that’s the name the person on the phone gave anyways. When I was packing up the ticket and saw the name up top I already knew there would be trouble. I went to the kid and asked, “Hey man, what is up with this?” He gave me one of those looks most teenagers get when they look unsure and nervous.

Like they did something wrong, but not sure what. I wasn’t mad or anything, I just wanted to know how the call went down. He said it went down like a normal phone call. Even the manager said it had to be a legit delivery, but more than likely just poking some fun with the name.

We did have that from time to time. Legit deliveries with something silly in the name or extra description, like write a joke on the box. Or cut the pizza into a pentagram. I reluctantly took the pizza and soon drove off. When I got to the neighborhood, it was already very dark out. One of the most common problems is not seeing an address of any of the houses.

This was no exception as I pulled up in the driveway of a row of duplexes.

I got pretty good at guessing the right house when things like this happened. But with no address still in sight, I decide to call the number to make sure. When I did, the person who picked up quickly was mad and yelling.

I asked them if they ordered a pizza. Which they yelled even louder.

Cussing and screaming, saying they didn’t order any damn pizza. I hung up the phone and looked at the ticket in the pale dark. I was looking to see if I might have accidentally pushed a wrong number when I dialed when I see some guy to my right come outside of the home.

I hope this was the guy who ordered the pizza. Instead, this guy also came to my car fast.

Yelling and screaming. It was the same guy on the phone. Which meant I was ironically in the right place. He was dark skinned, with dreadlocks and was wearing nothing but boxers and a dirty t-shirt. He was mad yelling at me while I was still in my car. He pounded on my car with his fist and then digging his pants yelling, “I’m going to “effing” shoot you!” I quickly peeled out of the driveway and sped off. When I got back, I was mad, to say the least.

But it was even worse when my manager said she’ll just look into it.

We found out the next day, the guy was tripping on some sort of drugs. His friends thought it would be funny to order him a pizza. and not tell him. He literally thought he had a gun his boxers, but luckily he did not. Otherwise, I would’ve died over a dumb joke.

Just two deliveries after that I dropped off what seemed at first like a normal delivery.

It was just some buffalo wings to a nice lady. When I got back into my car, I see a tiny man slowly come out and down the driveway. Since it was late January, remnants of a snowstorm were scattered about here and their. So it was no surprise when the guy fell on his back hard due to some ice. It had to hurt.

I was inside my car on the street, and I still heard the thud. He didn’t even have time to brace himself or anything.

What was surprising was him getting right back up so quickly. Like nothing happened. And now he was walking right toward me. I don’t know why I didn’t just drive away then. I was curious but also frightened. Especially with the incident that happened just half an hour ago, and seeing this guy get right back up like he was the damn terminator or something.

He looked latino with a blank expression on his face when he just very gently taps on my window.

I roll it down, already mentally preparing my self for a fight. What I got instead was a very creepy voice that tried to be soothing but it came off more sinister. “Excuse me, sir. What was that dish all about?” I sat their and I blinked a bit confused.

The tone was so weird to me.

Creepy yet calm. With a hint of predatory to it. Also, I live in Kansas. While I do know the term dish to be substituted for food, I never heard anyone actually use it before. Who talks like that? I just ask with a dumbfounded, “What?” as he repeats it. Word for word in the same tone.”What was that dish all about?” It dawned on me this must be the girl’s boyfriend or something.

And he didn’t know she ordered food. Just on a weird deep instinctual level, I could tell this guy was dangerous. I’ve seen guys that seem ok at first but are super controlling of others behind closed doors.

I just said, “It’s just wings man.” His odd tone never changed as he went, “Oh, Ok then.” And then walks off. I immediately called the cops, because I was afraid he was going to beat his girlfriend or something. I never heard anything out of it though.

I had many more horrible experiences after that.

But those are different stories.

Now I’m an Uber driver. I honestly love it. I had a couple of weird things happen to me but it’s a far cry from the stuff at pizza hut. People are just nicer to you when they’re in your territory and not vice versa. Plus after a year it seemed like all the bad customers got too many complaints so they’re not allowed to use uber again.

Unlike the pizza hut which almost never banned a customer no matter how horrible.

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