My Experience with Goatman’s Bridge

I used to be hard core into the whole paranormal thing when I was a kid, but like most people I would grow out of it as I got older.

But a trip to Denton, Texas would open my mind back up to the idea that there are things that just cannot be explained. I live in Plano and have a pal who would often go exploring places in the DFW area, parks, creeks, even a few abandoned buildings.

My pal Kath decided to ditch the normal routine of exploring the usual and brought up the Old Alton Bridge in Denton as a spot to check out and said it was supposedly haunted and had well, a goat man there.

I laughed and asked why would a dinky old bridge be haunted, and that is when she told me about the man who killed and hung by the KKK, only to find that the noose they threw over the bridge with the man had nobody on it and no trace of the body.

She also told me that another local legend says that a goatman tromps thru the woods. I scratched my head at the 2 stories, after all it’s a bid odd to have 2 different kinds of spooky activity go on at place.

So I said for the heck of it lets go check it out. Now this is where it gets a little goofy…but then a little weird. I have a set of a Stormtrooper armor from Star Wars and I figured we could take some cool pictures in the area while we were at it. So imagine me in this plastic getup walking with Kath, checking the place out. It was pretty much empty when we got there, so we started going to the bridge.

It…had a lot of graffiti on it. And most of them were pretty strange.  “Kill yourself now, the goatman is watching.” “Oh goatman, save me” “Sacrifice yourself to him” I figured it was just some edgy kids being well, edgy.

So we walked across the bridge, not noticing really anything out of the ordinary and went our way into the woods. It was then halfway thru our walk that looped us back to the entrance of the other area of the bridge did I feel a strange feeling like I was all alone,  despite having Kath with me and like the presence that you couldn’t see. It was odd, but not unnerving enough to make me want to turn back. I took my helmet off and looked around before taking a deep breath and huffing it out. Kath asked me if anything was up and I said nah, and put the trooper helmet back on. I still felt watched, but kept going thru the trail. Here and there though, I started feeling that unnerving feeling grow slightly more and more as we walked. It was strange, whatever was making me feel this odd feeling was following us.

Maybe goatman  had never seen a plastic man before, I thought to myself. Me and Kath made our way thru about the rest of the trail and I could see the trees thin out. I then decided for some reason to look down and check for mud on my boots when I noticed a few noises around. Faint sounds of tree branches being moved. I looked around and had to take the helmet off again to get a better look. Kath asked me if I heard that.

Yeah I did, and we stood there for a good 5 minutes looking around trying to find where the noise was.

Kath asked if I wanted to get back moving and I decided to hang around another minute more checking to make sure the costume parts were all secure on me and we moved on. As we got to the end of the woods it was when I suddenly felt super creeped out and felt something gently push on the back plate of my chest armor. What the hell I said in a raised confused tone. Kath was in front of me and asked me if I was alright as I spun around bringing an arm up to try to touch whoever it was that touched me. But I nothing. Nothing was there. I felt myself get goosebumps and my hair stand on end.

I asked Kath what the hell just happened only to get told that she had no clue. I took my helmet off yet again and carried it in my hands the rest of the walk home, both of us looking pretty damn confused.

Neither of us said a word as we went our way to the rest of the trail and to her car. I took my gear off and hopped into the car thinking that was the end of it, but the weirdest part yet was to happen. I got home, and later that night went to bed pretty late, about 3 am if I recall. I fell asleep pretty easy, but I got woken up wide awake by a hard slam on my bed, as if it was done by somebody using their hand.

I usually sleep facing the wall on my bed and I was frozen stiff, too scared to look over to see what had done it. I stayed still, not moving an inch until the shock wore off and jumped out of bed scrambling to turn on the lamp by the bed. And not a damn trace of anything or anyone was to be seen. Nothing. Zilch. Its been a year almost since this happened, and I still cannot come up with an explanation to what happened, but I will tell you, I believe in the paranormal now.

There are some things that you can’t believe in until you experience it yourself, and I am somewhat grateful I haven’t had another encounter with whatever it was that decided to interact with me.

Night in Scaryvile

In my old home town, there are hundreds of legends and ghost stories. A haunted bar downtown, a witch in the park next to a school, a phantom jogger down one road, creatures, specters, you name it, this town had it all. I will admit that I’ve had my fair share of unexplained events living there when I was younger, but nothing can really top my visit to Scaryville.

Scaryville, of course, isn’t the actual name. It has always been called that since I could remember and no one really calls it by it’s real name. Even as children, it had it’s own nursery rhyme:

Scaryville, Scaryville

Spend a night in Scaryville

Meet the ghosts, pet the hounds

Sleep six feet underground

Scaryville, Scaryville…

The song would continue with more verses of how you would meet an untimely end or what’s waiting for you in the titular town. From first glance, you would never suspect a small village like this would be the subject of many children’s nightmares and countless teenager’s dares. It sits in the bottom of a valley, with only a scattering of buildings and houses surrounded by farmland. Almost like a Rockwell painting. But it’s the history that gets people frightened.

See, while my town only had urban legends, Scaryville actually delivered. A priest that killed children in a church across from the schoolhouse, a boy dying of hypothermia in that same schoolhouse over a winter break, a teenage girl drowning in the river trapped inside her truck on prom night, a scientist that experimented on dogs on that same river, it just gets crazier the more you look into it.

It’s because of this history that has made Scaryville quite the hotspot for teenagers and thrillseekers. On Halloween, teens would spend the night at a child’s graveyard, sometimes performing rituals of some kind. Break into the schoolhouse and church on a dare to stay there till morning. Others, like myself, were just genuinely interested in seeing something there and one fateful night, I did.

The events that happened that night had to be real because I brought my best friend and his younger sister. Us guys had known each other for years, since middle school. We were fresh out of high school and in the midst of finding jobs and figuring out our lives. One hot summer night, I approached my friend, let’s call him Carlisle, and suggested we go to Scaryville. He was initially hesitant to the idea, late at night, middle of the country, he kept saying he didn’t want to be out so late but I knew that he was scared. If it wasn’t for his younger sister, let’s call her Hailey, he might have just stayed home. But she persisted and next thing you know, we all piled into my car and drove into the night.

The drive to Scaryville is creepy enough, like I said: it’s in the middle of nowhere. And with a full moon behind the twisting and knotted trees, it couldn’t have been a more perfect night.

We arrived, driving in on the one road into the village. We saw behind some dead trees the schoolhouse and the church. Obviously our first stop. I pulled off to the side of the road and parked and we got out and looked around. We didn’t go inside either building, the doors were locked and the thought of breaking into haunted locations were more than enough to deter us. Hailey said she saw a light coming from the belfry in the church. Carlisle and I looked but didn’t see anything. Perhaps a reflection from the moonlight, we suggested. We got back into the car and drove to the site where the girl drowned.

It was even more secluded than the church and schoolhouse, the bridge where the truck ran off the road. It seemed the farther we looked into Scaryville, the darker and more ominous it became. I shook off my uneasiness and turned on the radio, to lighten the mood. The bridge wasn’t anything to write home about, but this was where the girl died and we got out and looked around again.

Our trip seemed fruitless until again Hailey piped up, “What’s that?” We turned to where she was looking and saw a pair of headlights on the far end of the road. It was the dead of night, anybody who would be anybody would be asleep by now and even if not, why were they just parked in the middle of the road? Not moving. Nothing that light could reflect off of, no houses nearby. Just headlights.

Carlisle, I could tell was getting weirded out, but my initial reaction was curiosity.

“Let’s take a look,” I said.

Carlisle asked for us to go home but I reminded him that I have the keys so what I say goes. We got in the car and advanced to the headlights, which were still beaming at us.

I drove slowly, almost as if I was afraid that I was gonna scare the headlights off. We all leaned closer to the front windshield, trying to decipher what was going on. We got about 50 feet in front of this car and then, the lights went out. Darkness surrounded us. Nothing was there. There was only the one road, no turn offs, we were all dumbfounded by this… thing.

Now that something was happening, I knew what our next stop had to be, the children’s graveyard just beyond the way. I accelerated, fueled by my own excitement and we drove into the night. About a minute passed and the headlights returned. Only now, they were behind us and flashing. On. Off. On. Off. On. Off.

They stayed off, nothing was behind us. I asked the two other people in my party if they saw that.

“How could we not, dude? They were right behind us!” Carlisle said in a shaky voice.

“Where’d they go?” Asked Hailey.

Before I could answer, I saw it. The graveyard. It was a small plot of land on the edge of a hill, it was old and time had taken over the graves. Most of the graves belonged to children, that was the creepiest part.

Thinking about how many children’s skeletons were under our feet, I hesitated to get out. But I did anyway, we were here to see something and the activity was just starting. Once again, we walked around, clearly closer than before. I had a bad vibe, something wasn’t right here.

We looked at a few of the graves, some of the kids were 5, 8, 14, one wasn’t even born or had a name. Just… Baby. God this was creepy. But not as creepy as what I heard next, a giggle. A child’s giggle. I stopped for a second to look at my friends who were staring back at me with large eyes. What the hell was happening? We stood there for a second until we heard movement in the nearby cornfield. I shifted my gaze and concentrated, I could see… kids running. Running around in the cornfield, as if playing a game. Giggles became more audible the longer we stood.

“Come play” I heard a voice say.

“No, hide, he’s coming” I heard another say.

“Run!” A final voice said.

We bolted into the car as I heard a low growl coming from behind me. I fumbled with the keys, trying to keep my composure, taking deep breaths. I turned the ignition and slammed the gear shift into reverse, without looking behind me. I turned my car back towards down the hill and put the car in drive and stepped on the gas, but nothing happened.

“Let’s go!” shouted Carlisle.

“I’m trying!” I shouted back, aggravated and scared.

The car was dead, it wouldn’t turn over. I tried again and again but it wouldn’t start.

“Guys…” Hailey squeaked out, we looked at her and saw her face streaming with tears as she looked out her side window. We looked and we saw it. A black… mass. It didn’t have a definitive shape but in the moonlight we saw it. Tall, black, and coming towards us. My urgency to start the car heightened as I kept my eyes on that thing. It wasn’t walking, more like… floating towards us almost mockingly slow. Like as if it knew it had us and was just taking it’s sweet time. It got so close to us that I thought I saw breath coming from it, my heart was racing harder than ever.

The car lurched forward and we started rolling down the hill, Hailey let out a short scream and within seconds, the car started and I gained control and hit the gas hard as we sped out of Scaryville.

I didn’t stop a second until we got back to their house, we were silent the whole way back. I parked outside their house and we just sat. A few seconds passed and we opened the doors and exited. Dust puffed and danced in the air that was plastered to the car, driving around in the country earned me a stop at the carwash. I’ll do it in the morning, where it’s safe. We didn’t know what to say to each other, or if we wanted to say something. To confirm what happened would only make things worse, I thought.

Carlisle gestured inside and I nodded, we started walking to his house when Hailey stopped and turned to the car.

“Forgot my bag” she said.

She took a few steps and then stopped and let out a short scream. Carlisle and myself turned to her and saw something that I will never get out of my head. On the back of the car was a bunch of tiny handprints. Child’s handprints. Almost as if they were behind the car pushing us.

Demon Mommy

Hi, I have been lustening to a lot of “true scary stories” on youtube, and while I generally have stories about people, I was reminded of this one incident involving what I believe was a demon.

This is true, I hope someone believes me.

I  am 18 now, living in the southern US, and when I was very young, let’s say, 4-6? I was living with both of my parents in an old farm house built by my great Grandfather.

Because of this, i was not afraid of  creaks and bumps at night, as I always assumed that it was the house.

One night, I was staying up playing with my dolls, but with the lights low so my parents would think I was asleep. I heard a voice from the back of the house call me. It sounded like my mom, but something was strange about it. However, both of my parents drink a lot, so I just assumed she was drunk.

So assuming that I’ve been caught up past bedtime, I run to the back room, which is pretty far, as i have to go from my bedroom, through a long and dim hallway, just as I get in the room, I look up and see my mothers face. Staring. Grinning.

She was taller than normal, and her smile was… too big. It was calm, yet vicious. Her eyes were so sharp.. to this day my stomach turns remembering that face. It was my moms hace, but it wasn’t my mom. I remember distinctly feeling like I was being squeezed. I was just staring at her, unable to move, but I stirred up the courage to speak. “M-mommy?”

Just then it’s smile got wider, and i felt it getting closer, when I ran full speed to the living room.  I was screaming for my mom. Which, is strange because I was running from..her?

But then, there was my mom sitting on the sofa, yes she was sauced up and medicated, but it was my mom! I looked behind me, and I saw the light flicker back on in the hallway.

I ran into my moms arms, and cried, “it was you! Why did you smile so big!?” And she laughed it off, hugging me tight,

My mom still remembers that night, because after that I always called her to my room to walk me to the bathroom.

Even now, I avoid that room, and refuse to go near it at night.

Homesick

 

Homesick

      This story happened to me over the span of about 5 years, starting back in 1999 during my second year of middle school and ending near my 18th birthday. Before I begin, I’d like to apologize for the length of this story, as it really means a lot to me and I feel that I need to spend some time explaining all of the details. Now I’ve never been one to believe in ghosts and spirits and all that. Even now, I find it very hard to place my trust in the supposed paranormal encounters that I hear from time to time. However, these events that I’m about to share changed my life forever, and I will never think about life and death the same way again.

The story starts when I was 12 years old and attending 7th grade in Black Forest Colorado. I didn’t have many friends at the time because I was new to the area, and I was also a bit shy. I can’t even recall who I was friends with back then. However, I remember very clearly the day that I met her. She was a tall blonde girl who always had this sad and confused look in her eyes. Her name was Allie. I had seen her around the school before, and I knew that there was something a little off about her, like she had some kind of mental disability or something. Whenever I saw her she was always sitting somewhere by herself and drawing in her notebook.

People would make fun of her all the time because she was so quiet, like she literally never said a word to anyone. Ever. I actually thought that she might have been mute. It wasn’t until about half way through the semester when I noticed her standing near the school entrance, clutching her notebooks tightly to her chests, and looking as though she was about to cry. A few kids were holding up a picture that she had drawn, waving it around in the air while taunting her like a bunch of entitled assholes with nothing better to do than to humiliate this poor girl.

I decided to intervene because I was so disgusted with how cruel those kids were being to her. I quickly walked up from behind, snatching the drawing with one hand and grabbing Allie’s hand and pulling her away with the other. I gave little concern to the bullies cursing me from behind, and we kept walking hand in hand for a few seconds before I pulled her aside and handed her the drawing. “You really need to stand up for yourself” I said. “Next time you should just walk away from them, like seriously don’t even pay attention to those jerks. Okay?” She just gazed down at her crumpled up drawing without even acknowledging my words. “I can walk you home if you’d like.” She pursed he lips for a moment before she finally shifted her gaze towards me. We looked at each other for a few seconds, and then she smiled softly and nodded her head.

I tried to make small talk with her on the way over to her house, but she only ever used facial expressions and nodded her head to respond. It was a bit awkward to be honest, but I felt really bad for her, and I just wanted someone to treat her like a human being for once. I don’t think she realized how pretty she was, and I wondered what could have led her to have such a poor self-image.After about 20 minutes or so we both arrived in front of her house. Immediately, I got a very creepy vibe from the place. I could tell that Allie didn’t like the house either, and she seemed a bit hesitant to go inside. She walked up to the front door and stalled for a bit before walking inside. She turned around and waved at me as she closed the door behind her.

I really didn’t want to hang around near that house any longer, so I continued to jog down the road to my house, a little faster than usual. The next day I sat alone on the bleachers after school and watched the soccer team practice for a while. After probably half an hour had passed, I thought I heard footsteps coming from behind me, so I turned around to see who else had nothing better to do than to watch the junior high soccer team practice. To my surprise, it was Allie. She smiled at me when she saw that I noticed her, and she continued to walk down the isle towards where I was sitting. She sat down really close to me and looked out at the field. “I’ve always enjoyed watching sports, although I could never seem to understand them” she said softly.

Obviously I was a bit bewildered when she said this, here I had thought that she wasn’t able to speak. I must’ve been the first person at the school that she had ever spoken to. I was about to make some kind of remark about her finally talking, but I thought it better not to as I didn’t want to offend her. “Yeah, me too. Soccer is the only sport where I really feel like I know what’s going on” I replied. It took me a few too many seconds before I thought of something else to say. “You seem to really enjoy drawing.” I remarked. She blushed a little when I said that. “My mom taught me how to draw.” “Was your mom an artist?” I asked. “I think so” she replied, “I didn’t know her very well. She passed away a long time ago.” “I’m sorry. My mom also died a while back.”

She seemed to open up a lot more after I said that. She eventually told me about how she had been living alone with her father for most of her life. And she kept telling me that he was a “mean man”, and he would often punish her for the smallest mistakes. She mentioned that her dad once forcefully held her hand in boiling water because she knocked over a bowl of soup by accident. He also blamed her for every time he had a bad day at work. After hearing this I started to feel sick, I couldn’t believe what she was telling me. She was such a sweet person. She sure as hell didn’t deserve to be treated like trash by everyone, including her own father.

After about 15 minutes or so the sun broke free from behind the clouds, and Allie started to take off her jacket. When she did this I caught a quick glimpse of several pink ribbon scars along her forearm. I could feel my heart sink after seeing this. I was uncertain as to what I should say, but I eventually just asked if she wanted to hang out after school sometime. She seemed unsure at first, but let out a slight smile and agreed.

Sometime later that week Allie came over to my house and we watched movies and stuff for a few hours. We both had a pretty good time and she seemed really happy. After that, Allie and I became close friends. We would walk to school together, eat lunch together, and after school we would often go exploring the woods behind my house. Despite her seeming really happy while she was with me, I could always tell that she was hiding something. I could sense that she was slowly falling apart on the inside. She never wanted to go back home after school, and sometimes she would come over to my house late at night because she was afraid of her dad.

I remember us talking about how we were going to run away and never come back. She was like a sister to me, and I felt that I had to do everything I could to protect her. I really wanted her to live the peaceful life that I knew she truly deserved, and I felt that if I didn’t look after her, no one else would. As time went on though, we started to see each other less and less. Allie ended up going to a different high school than me, and I moved about 20 minutes outside of town so she couldn’t walk to my house anymore.

I started to get caught up in some unfortunate things that were going on in my life, and I sort of drifted off from reality for a while. My parents got a divorce shortly after I turned 16, and as a result I became a bit of an alcoholic. I soon fell into a rather serious depression, and I stopped talking to many of my friends. I only saw Allie once maybe every few of months at this point. Eventually my junior year of high school came around, and this was about the time that I started to have these really weird dreams, which I now believe to have some sort of spiritual meaning. Keep in mind that I’m not really much of a religious person. This all happened over 12 years ago, but I can clearly recall almost every detail in my mind.

The first dream happened one night after I had practically drank myself to sleep. I found myself standing upside down in a nearly pitch black forest somewhere. It was like the whole world had been flipped, and gravity was somehow reversed. I looked all around me and saw nothing but a dense overgrowth of intertwining branches and leaves. There was an odd familiarity to the place, and I felt like I had been there before, although I could not quite put my finger on it. I suddenly noticed an old rope swing that had been tied to a tree, which was now swaying back and forth in the breeze. When I saw this, it felt as though something had just punched me in the gut, like I had just been electrocuted. I then heard a loud ringing sound in my ears and began to discern a very tall figure about 20 yards ahead of me in the woods. Whatever this thing was, it must’ve stood roughly 40 or so feet high, as it was towering above the trees. The entity was incredibly thin, probably only a foot two wide. It blended in perfectly with the dense foliage, and if it were not for its haunting white eyes which illuminated part of the forest canopy, I would have easily mistaken it for a tree.

I was suddenly overwhelmed with an enormous feeling of sadness and heartbreak, the likes of which I had never felt before. I felt myself fall to my knees and my vision became very blurry with tears. This tall black creature then bent down so that its face was only a few feet above mine. The only feature I could make out on this thing were its eyes, which were blindingly bright at this point. I don’t remember being afraid of this thing, and I got the impression that it felt sympathy for me.

Then, without opening its mouth, it began to speak in this soft, calm voice. It said, “I’m here, you’re not”. I felt my heart sink even more as it spoke. And again, it repeated the sentence, “I’m here, you’re not.” It said the same thing 5 or 6 more times before its eyes suddenly started to shimmer with red and blue light. The light grew brighter and brighter until all I could see were the colors red and blue. And then, I woke up. Only a couple of seconds after I awoke, I was immediately startled by my alarm clock going off, which was set for 7:30am. I reached over and turned off my alarm, and then sat up in my bed confused, and tried to make sense of what had just happened.

“What the Hell was that supposed to mean?” I thought to myself. I realized that the horrible feeling of grief I had just moment ago was now nowhere to be found, yet I remembered it very clearly. It just felt like a normal dream, the feeling was gone, and I wasn’t really all that shaken up by the whole thing. Still, something didn’t feel quite normal about that dream. Puzzled, I got up out of bed and carried on with my day. About two weeks had passed after that, and the dream I had earlier was hardly ever on my mind anymore. I fell asleep one night on the couch while watching a movie, and once again found myself in the same dream world as before. Although this time there was something different. The forest was burning bright with fire, and I could feel the heat coming from all around me. I looked around me to see if I could find that creature again, and sure enough there it was, standing high above the tree tops. I was immediately overwhelmed with that same gut wrenching sense of sadness that I had felt in my previous dream. This time, I collapsed completely onto the wet ground beneath me. The dark figure then knelt down beside me, and came very close to my face when it spoke in that same calm voice. However this time it sounded a little more urgent than before. It spoke to me softly, quickly chanting the following phrase, as if it did not have much time. “Find me here, I’ll be sleeping.” It rapidly said the same thing several times before its eyes began to flash red and blue once again.

I woke up in the same fashion as the first dream, and shortly afterwards I could hear my alarm go off in the other room. This seemed strange to me, because that meant that I had woken up at the exact same time as my last dream. The thought of this frightened me a little bit, but I still wasn’t sure what the message I heard in my dream meant, if anything. I realized that this second dream was a lot shorter than the first one, like it had been sped up or something. As I did before, I continued on with my day, but this time I wasn’t about to let the dreams go. I knew that there was something strange happening to me, and it wasn’t just a dream like any other. I thought that there was surely going to be another dream like this sometime soon, so I patiently waited for my next experience. Two months went by, and by now I was willing to let go of the bizarre dreams and forget that they ever happened. I was exhausted after a long and particularly awful day at school, and I fell asleep as soon as I got home. That’s when I had the third dream, and this one was not like the others. This felt very real.

I was already lying on the ground and crying when this dream began, and the creature spent no time bending over towards me, as it was already knelt down beside me. It was as if the creature didn’t want to waste any time, and was abandoning the beginning of the dream. One other thing I noticed was that I was no longer hot from a surrounding fire, instead I was shivering from a biting cold, and the forest was covered in about a foot of snow. Without delaying, the eyes started to flash red and blue again as the creature spoke, only saying the phrase once this time. “Why did you wait? You’ll know when you feel it.” I felt an electric shock race throughout my body before I was jolted awake.

The moment I opened my eyes I knew something was very wrong. I could sense that something bad was about to happen, and I don’t know how, but it felt like someone was watching my every move. Not in a creepy way, but more like whatever was watching me knew what was about to happen next as if they had seen it all before. It didn’t feel threatening to me, it felt sort of, sad, like it felt deep empathy for me and wanted to comfort me but didn’t know how. It’s hard to explain what I was feeling, it just all felt so clear in that moment. I was absolutely certain that something terrible was going to happen, but any attempt I might make to stop it from happening was hopeless.

My shaking hand instinctively reached over to grab my phone for some sort of quick comfort. I noticed that it was 7:30pm. “Oh God what is about to happen?” I whispered out loud. I then saw that I had 11 missed calls, so checked my call history fearing the worst. I got a sickening feeling in my gut when I looked over my missed calls. It was Allie. She has called me 11 times while I was asleep. I didn’t even bother to call her back, instead I threw off my covers and hurried downstairs and into the garage. I quickly hopped on by bike and headed out into the night.

I remember praying desperately to God that everything would be okay as I rode towards Allie’s house, which was over an hour away. The whole way there, I continued to feel as though someone was watching over me, pushing me to ride faster through the pouring rain and the dense fog. Finally after an exhausting 2 hours of riding my bike I entered my friend’s neighborhood. As I was rounding the corner nearest to her house I began to see the reflections of red and blue lights shimmering off the wet ground. “Dear God please tell me I’m dreaming.” I whimpered quietly in my head. I felt all the life drain from my body as I caught my first glimpse of the house. Men in yellow reflective suits rushed towards the old house, breaking down the door whilst calling out my friend’s name. My gaze then shifted to Allie’s father, who was yelling out profanities as he was being held down over the hood of a police car. A wave of heat swept over me as I approached. The house was entirely engulfed in fire, and I stared helplessly at the flames as they rose high into the night.

I suddenly lost all my strength, and my legs gave way beneath me. The realization that all this was really happening was slowly setting in. I felt the tears streaming down my face, and that’s when I fell over onto the ground. Eventually one of the paramedics saw me laying there and came over to see what was wrong. I asked him if my friend was in there, but the man just shook his head and told me that he was sorry. I handed the man my phone and he called my mom for me, because he could clearly tell that I was too shaken up to speak any longer. I think I sat there for at least an hour and a half, just watching the house as it burned to the ground, knowing that my friend was probably in there. My mother later came rushing up from behind before hugging me tightly.

I tried to hold back my tears in front of my mom but to no avail. She knew how much Allie had meant to me at one time, and she kept telling me how much she loved me. She continued to embrace me for a while longer before we headed back home. That night I sat up in bed staring at the ceiling until the sun came up. I managed to get some sleep around 8:30am, but when I awoke, I knew that whatever was watching over me was gone. The feeling I had the night before had completely left without a trace. I remember feeling very alone. I expected something to happen that day, but nothing did. I was still able to get out of bed and head to school that day. The whole time, I didn’t feel anything, no sorrow or anger. Why couldn’t I feel anything? It didn’t take long for the news of what really happened to get around town. Allie had done something to upset her dad, something minor and insignificant I imagined. Yet he, in all his stupidity and drunken rage, chose to lock Allie in her room.

Meanwhile he went back downstairs and began tearing the place up, a common tradition with Allie’s dad. Throwing chairs against the walls, smashing bottles, and even knocked over a large fake tree in the living room, which ignited the moment it made contact with the fireplace. Long story short, her father claims that he was not able to rescue Allie and still have enough time to escape from the house himself. I don’t know what became of him, all I know is that he was arrested and no one ever saw him again. The only thing that mattered to me was that I had just lost my only true friend, forever.

I truly cannot describe how horrible the feeling was once I learned what had happened to my friend. I wanted to mourn for my friend right then and there, but somehow I had forgotten altogether how to cry. My mind just became numb to it all. And besides, life wasn’t about to grant me a moment of morning just yet. No, my friends death was soon followed by the death of my cousin, whom I was very close with. He had taken his own life after a painful 11 years battle with Bipolar disorder and depression. My mother, also passed away from cancer the following year.

It was one of those times where everything feels so surreal, that your mind keeps trying to convince you that it was just a dream. There’s this desire to just fall back asleep because maybe when you wake up everything will be okay again, or maybe you just won’t wake up at all. I could feel so much sorrow and guilt like I had committed some kind of crime, but I don’t know what I had done wrong. Such a horrid feeling, one that is much worse that any fear or pain that I’ve ever experienced. I didn’t feel like I could bear it forever. And how deeply I wanted to cry, and let all the emotions flow out, yet somehow I couldn’t muster the strength to do so.

I started having these dreams, after my mother had passed, of a dark hole. I couldn’t see anything, but I could tell that I was falling. I was afraid to do anything, yet the longer I fell, the more scarred I became. I couldn’t take it anymore, I really wanted to die. But there was that feeling again, someone was watching over me, but this time it didn’t feel sad, it was as if it was letting me know that I was safe. I would then suddenly feel myself laying down, with sunlight beaming down on my face, although I still could not see anything. I would always wake up shortly after this.

The world didn’t stop to wait for me while I was falling to pieces, everyone was moving on without me. I learned to enjoy the feeling of being left behind, it was a strangely comforting feeling since it made it easier for me to fade away. However, I didn’t fade away like everyone else did at the time. I probably would have though, and I would likely not be here today if I was left alone much longer. But something happened that changed my life forever, something that reminds me that we are never truly alone, no matter how painfully alone we may feel at times.

I had one final dream, about a month before my 18th birthday, one which makes me smile every time I think about it. I remember being on all fours, struggling to push back on an immense force that was trying to bury me into the ground. I was calling out for help but no one was around to hear. I tried so hard and for so long to keep this force at bay,but finally, I realized that I could not win this battle. I surrendered to the feeling and let myself fall to the ground. I closed my eyes, and cried softly as I breathed my last breath.

I was no longer afraid, and I was ready to die. A sensation then gently washed over me as my whole body began to tingle. Something told me to open my eyes, and when I did I was sitting on the edge of a pier, looking out at this beautiful orange sky. I turned to the left of me, and there she was, my sweetest friend. She smiled innocently as I looked right through her. No words were spoken, we just gazed out at the sunset together. Allie used to sometimes tell me how much she wanted to go to the beach, yet she had never been. And now, I was right there with her, and it wasn’t a dream. It felt like we were right there. I could hear the waves crashing against the supports underneath the pier, and I could feel a gentle breeze caress my face.

This was by far the most beautiful moment I have ever experienced in my life. I suddenly felt a calm warmth in my chest, and I turned to tell Allie that I loved her, but before I could speak she leaned over and wrapped her arms around me. She held me so tightly, and I started to cry tears of joy, sadness, and confusion all at the same time. I felt something that I can only describe as pure love fill the dark hole in my soul. We sat there in each other’s embrace for what must have been several hours.

Finally, she spoke softly in my ear in her sweet familiar voice. She said that it was time for her to go, and then she said something that has stayed with me in my mind every day since. “We are all here” she said. “Close your eyes and we are there with you, always.” When I opened my eyes she was gone. I sat there alone on the pier for a while longer, not really thinking about anything, before I awoke in my bedroom. And that was the end of it. I’ve never had anything strange or paranormal happen to me since then, and I honestly don’t think that I ever will again.

Whatever that creature was in the first three dreams, it was definitely not some kind of spiritual representation of my friend Allie. It was something else altogether. Maybe it was an angel of some sort. I don’t think I’ll ever know for sure, but it was more than just a figment of my imagination. It foreshadowed the worst year of my life, and it made predictions which later came true. I’m pretty clueless as to what its intentions were, but it didn’t feel threatening in any way. This, whatever it was, had a deep connection with me. It felt like a mother looking after her child. Very strange indeed.

Anyways, I have since moved to California, where I sometimes drive the beach and head to the pier around sunset. It makes me feel closer not only to Allie, but also to all the others that I’ve lost over the years. When you lose someone that you care deeply about, it forms a wound that can never truly heal. Sure we all have to get on with our lives, and the memories of our loved ones inevitably begin to fade over time. But when you care about someone deeply, you form a powerful connection with that person, one that we often don’t notice until they’re gone.

They will always be a part of you, no matter how long it’s been since they’ve passed. I know how you cannot forget the ones that you’ve lost, because every now and then a sudden thought will overwhelm you, often sparked by something simple that reminded you of them, like a particular fragrance or feeling. It will come back and tear you to pieces once again. I know in my heart of hearts that this feeling is simply too strong to break, and not even death can silence the bond I have with those I’ve lost. I truly believe that my friends and family will be there in the end, and that we will be together again someplace much kinder than this world. We all have that one memory that burns deeply, yet we can’t seem to let go of it… and this is mine.

Don’t Tell Anyone

Now, the story I’m about to tell is in no way, shape, or form for attention. In fact, I want to raise awareness about this kind of thing. This happens and you’d be surprised how these situations are often avoided and never discussed in homes. Again, if you feel discomfort with the topic of pedophilia don’t read on.

I was very reluctant to share my story. Then I thought that this could be a very therapeutic thing for me to talk about. Currently, I’m enter my young adulthood and till this day I’m scarred from my childhood.

First off, I’m a short petite female I was six-eight at the time this story took place. As you can imagine I was a small child. Now that you got that let me begin.

It feels like it was only yesterday when everything happened. I literally can remember as clear as day. My family was “close” as you can say. My grandma had this motto that family ALWAYS stuck together even when we didn’t like each other so much. I was young so I couldn’t agree with her more. We used to have family gatherings like twice a month and everyone would show up, I mean EVERYONE. As you may imagine it was always a fun time for me. I got to meet different cousins around my age and older ones. At the time we lived in Topeka, Kansas. I know where you hear Kansas you think about country and all. But, it was far from that. In fact, the area we lived in was full of poverty and weirdly my family condoned a lot of gang activity. There have been many murder cases down here that haven’t even been solved. Most of the people I know down there have a few screws loose.

My cousin- Let’s just call him D, was at the time 15 and his brother and sister weren’t that far behind. I actually enjoyed hanging with the “big kids”. I was 6 so me having friends older than me gave me a feeling that I was “cool”. I remember back then trying to dance like them and constantly teasing my D’s sister about her big boobs and calling them big and poking them then running. Everyone would just laugh. These details will be important later.

My dad was never a nice man. He was physically and verbally abusive to my mom. (That’s a whole other story) My mom one day planned our escape. We were going to move with my grandma to another city. Of course, it was a process so my mom decided to stay with my auntie for a few days while she worked and waited for her check to go. This is when shit got weird. I remember being excited at first. My auntie’s home was where most of the family parties took place. They had everything. They had the basement. The basement was kind of like a mini apartment. They had games and bedrooms (a fast computer!) so I was more than willing to stay.

I remember my little sister was asleep and I was on the couch watching Kim possible and I turned to see my older cousin D on the computer. I skipped over to him to see what he was doing. (The only time I got on the computer was to play kid games) As I got closer to the back room I finally hear faint moaning coming from the speaker. I immediately get a bad feeling and I pause. He turns to me and waves for me to come over. Now, any time sex even came on a movie or anything my mom would say close your eyes and close your eyes. That was enough for me to know that I wasn’t suppose to see the shit. It was for grown ups only. So, this was weird. But, I was curious (I was six!) and I wanted to know what was going on so I walked up. He was on a website playing some sexual game where you had to quietly violate a sleeping female. I felt really uncomfortable and guilty. I just knew I was going to be in so much trouble.

“Want to play?” he says with a grin.

Is it okay if I play? Well… D said I could play so it should be fine.

“Okay…” I say quietly. He puts me on his lap and we start playing. Everyone else was asleep at this time so he kept telling me to not be loud. I played the game not thinking much to be honest. I finally got bored and got up to go to sleep with my sister. He then stops me.

“Come here, booboo.” I absolutely hate that nickname today. I just walked over and all of a sudden he pushes me to the couch and I sit. I felt like I was going to throw up and was really tall and towering over me. “If you tell anyone. I’ll tell you played that game. And you’ll be in big trouble.”

I couldn’t even speak my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. He had this look on his face that made me petrified and I couldn’t help but look away and nod. All I was thinking was how much trouble I was going to be in if he actually told my mom that I played a nasty game after she told me not to look at that kind of stuff. It dawned on me that I was going to get a spanking.

I won’t go into details but all I know is I didn’t scream and I didn’t run. I just sat there and sobbed while everything happened. I couldn’t do anything! Out of fear of me getting hurt or me getting in trouble period. I felt so bad. I was so outgoing then all of a sudden I was scared of everything. This happened for a whole 3 years and it happened with his sick sister once too. And because I was a coward… it happened to my sister too. At some point I refused for me or my sister to go over there and when I seen them at family functions I’d just pretend everything was okay.

Then some crazy stuff happened and D killed his older brother by accident. Everything changed my auntie went into depression and we never had any family functions. D was in and out of prison for different murders. When he first got out he even asked my mom if he could stay with us. My mom agreed because he was like a little brother to her. She was oblivious to everything. He ended up not coming and committing another crime and going back to prison. Eventually, I told my mom and she’s livid and I honestly don’t want her to cross paths with them. I don’t even want to talk about what she’d do.

We cut all of our family off. They don’t like us and vice versa. They even said we were lying and said if that happened why are we just now saying anything. Everyone wants me to shut up and pretend like everything is fine. It’s not fine! I can’t go to the police because it happened so long ago. And even if I did I don’t want anyone to tell me, the victim, that I’m a liar. Please, parents be mindful about the people around your kids. And if something similar has happened to anyone you can get through this. It DOES get better. Any parent out there going through this it isn’t your fault. You didn’t fail as a parent. I don’t blame my mother at all. She feels some guilt but she’s not the sick person who did anything to me.

He gets out 2018 and I pray he doesn’t come looking for me.