Gone Innawoods

By JGD

This took place on July 3rd 2016. It was the Sunday before independence day and me and 2 friends, let’s call them David and Raymond, in the forest of Grayling, Michigan then at a nearby motel. Dave is the oldest of us at 18, Ray and I are 16. I stand 6’5 and weigh almost 300 pounds, I look a lot older than I am. We are all friends from school, and we can usually lie or bullshit our way out of problems, not this time. We enjoy playing airsoft, and we brought our guns up there to mess around with. We lied to our parents and said we were crashing at a friend’s house, when we actually ran ‘up north’ to Grayling.

We arrive after 4 hours on the road in Dave’s beat up old 1973 chevy 4×4. (His dad’s hand-me-down). We set up our tents in the backwoods by a pond me and my dad call “the shithole” after its pungent aroma and general appearance. We ended up just fucking around nearby until the sun went down. We started a fire, threw a few big logs in it and ate some MREs we brought with us. We starting the truck and started blasting the stereo, blasting Dwight Yoakam until midnight. That’s when we started an airsoft game. We got dressed up in our /k/ approved gear and headed in three different directions.

After about 20 minutes hiking away we got on our walkie talkies and agreed it was go time. Just to set the scene, I’m wearing a GP5 gas mask and wearing black cargo pants and a black t shirt, a bandolier made of duct tape running around the forest talking to myself in barely coherent Russian. (Thanks Rosetta Stone.) After maybe 15 minutes, I run up on our campsite and find Dave and Ray standing there. ” What’s wrong, i thought we were playing a game?” I ask and Ray answers “Somebody went through our shit. Check your bag, see if anything is missing.” I did, and my cell phone, video camera and my money had been swiped.

Now, i’m quite pissed, my things worth a total of almost $2k had been stolen by some backwoods fuck. They had even smashed one of the windows on Dave’s truck, sending him into a flurry of shits, fucks and goddamns. We figure that whoever stole and smashed our shit had gone by now, but we decided to fuck off and get out of there.

We were packing up our last tent we heard some rustling in the brush about 20 feet away. A few twigs snapping. We ripped the tent stakes right out of the ground and threw in the the truck bed, and dumped out a bucket of water onto the fire just as we hear some fucker scream “You’re not getting away, you fucking dicksuckers.” We hauled ass to the truck. Dave and Ray hopped in the cab and I jumped in the bed. As we sped off he just kept spouting a bunch of homophobic slurs. We drove into town and stayed at a motel. None of us slept anyways.

We walked down to our truck the next morning, and it had been keyed, with “Faggots” and “Nigger lovers” and a few more highly offensive names. He had also taken the liberty of smashing in the window and returning my camera and Ray’s phone. ‘Watch this’ had been sharpied on the side. My expensive camera had a ‘low light visibility’ mode, just black and white night vision. This sicko had recorded himself jacking off in a tree overlooking our camp, and our hurried exodus. He dropped the camera to run at us as we left. He goes back and picks it up to shut it off. It cuts back to him standing outside the motel, having spotted our truck and muttering obscenities, scratched the hell out of it with a screwdriver while laughing his backwoods sister-fister ass off. He left us a goodbye saying to “keep our queer asses in the city” after seeing what I just saw, I took my camera and threw it in a coffee can that was under the seat, filled it with a few dead leaves and burned it. After this shit, I just wanted to go home and forget this shit ever fucking happened. He had also taken over 50 dick pics on Ray’s phone, and put some feces on it for good luck. He smashed it against a wall. We went home and told our parents we had stayed at each others houses. As for the window and missing electronics, we said the truck had been broken into and they were stolen. We live in midtown Detroit so the lie was believed.

I guess the morale of the story is to make sure the area you’re camping in is safe and secure, and to know the area well and be prepared for fucked up situations. The boy scouts motto is a damn good one.

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