Don’t have a boyfriend at age 13

Leo is not my real name. It is my online name and trans name. Girl to boy. I don’t want the person in this story to know it’s me, so just call me Leo, please.

First let’s go back to grade 6. I have always had trouble with my reading.  So, I was in “special” help. I was in a elementary school. It sucked because I had to wear uncomfortable uniform.

Me being a picky child, I hated it. Anyways, it was the beginning of a new school year, so I was to go find my class rooms and teachers. I was still in middle school, so I didn’t have much rooms to find. Reading period came along and I went to find my class. I found it after a while of panic and terror.

I have always struggled with anxiety and low self-esteem. It was a small reading class that included only four other kids, not counting me. I made friends with all the kids in that class through out the year.

Through out that year I had to battle my depression from my friend dying not to long ago.

Me and this kid, I’ll call him Kal, became friends. Me and him would hangout through out the days and we became friends on Facebook. Yes, 12 year old’s had Facebook.

Actually, he had told me that he has had his Facebook for a long, long time. He would sent me messages on Facebook that was actually really sexual, now that I look back at it.

He would ask me really weird and unneeded to know things. Some where very personal questions. Then seventh grade came along and things just began to get rougher. I should note that this is about the time he told me he loved me. he would bully my other friends and treat them like bugs.

I was scared of losing all of my friends, so I didn’t do anything. In fact he got me to talk bad about them.

This whole time I was weak. I would tare myself down and Kal wouldn’t help. He would say that I was good to him and shit, but then he would go and do rotten stuff to my friends.

He got my friend’s cousin to turn on her and make fun of her as well.

This went on and on. I would get so sick of what he was doing, I tried to confront him about it. Then he would just say that I didn’t care about him and if I did I would help him and not turn on him. I was so weak and hated how I looked at I felt like I needed him to love myself. To make manners worse, through out this wave of hurt and love.

I got into a fight with my other best friend that I have been friends with for seven years today, as I type this. We both felt like each other didn’t care about each other. she hacked my gmail and my Animal Jam account that I loved. She did give my stuff back, but I was still in pain from that.

Then that day came.

Kal was acting weirder then normal.

The questions where worse then ever before. “Can we play seven minuets in heaven?” He asked me while over at my house. I was scared, but I said “no.” he begged me but I still said no. Then he told me about a weird dream where a clown raped him.

I didn’t know what to say. He also told me that he might be gay. Now, I have nothing against gays, or lesbians. In fact I am now a lesbian. Back to the story, we went up to my room to just relax and chat. We sat down on my bed. He noticed some handcuffs I had in my room. It was the cheap kid toys that were still made out of metal, but had a leaver to unlock it. He picked them up and said. “Handcuff me to the bed.” I looked at him confused. I handcuffed him and he started moving. He began saying “ow, ow, ow.” So I unhandcuffed him.

He held the handcuffs up and said. “Now you.” After a long debate, I caved. He handcuffed my hands behind my back. He slowing got closer to me as if he was going to rape me. I, as fast as I could, got out of the handcuffs and pushed him away. I sat there when he jumped on to me and grabbed me. I thought I was weak then,

But after that. I was just a shell. Like the scared girl inside me killed herself. I was a wreck.

I found the thoughts of killing myself and hurting others. A week after what happened, I told my teachers and my parents. But I kept the thoughts a secret. Til I couldn’t do it anymore. I wrote a letter saying that I’m sorry and scared that I’ll do something regrettable. I went to a hospital for my suicidal thoughts and self harm tries. I am doing better now.

I am out of that school and away from that guy. So, Kal, can we please, please never meet again?

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